From Self-Doubt to Self-Affirmation

Ever felt like you're balancing on a tightrope between your passions and self-doubt? This episode of "A Spectrum of Hyperfixations" opens with our new segment, "Cheers and Jeers," where we celebrate the highs and acknowledge the lows of our week. 

This episode serves as a heartfelt reminder that genuine growth often requires stepping out of our comfort zones. I discuss embracing purposeful hyperfixation, particularly in the realm of mental health advocacy. I share how divine guidance and the unfaltering support of friends have been my anchors in navigating self-doubt and fears of failure. Following my journey, you'll hear about the pivotal moments that reinforced my mission to help others, despite the fear of judgment. Plus, I invite listeners to get creative and share unique sign-off ideas for future episodes!

Chapters

• 0:25 Cheers and Jeers
• 12:08 Discovering and Embracing Purposeful Hyperfixation

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:25

Hello, hello and welcome to another episode of A Spectrum of Hyperfixations. I am your host, miss T, and the T stands for today. Let's go with tenacious or tenacity. And so, before we dive in to the contents of this episode, I have been doing some thinking of like what can be regular segments to open up the podcast and the radio show I listened to it's called the woody show. You may have heard of it, it's really good, and they have started a cheers and jeers segment which I think they ripped off from like old TV guys or something like that, and I thought, oh well, that's kind of a cool idea, cheers and jeers for the week. And so let me just start with a few cheers, which I find that that's harder than jeers sometimes and jeer sometimes, okay, cheers.

Speaker 1: 1:23

I attended the Sisters event that is put on by Life Church every September. I believe I attended last year. That was my first time because I had just started attending church and the worship set was great. My mom went with me and you know we were both in tears and it was just a wonderful message on prayer and the importance of it and whether you think you're praying properly or not. You know, just just pray. You know, don't get in your head about doing it correctly or this and that doing it correctly or this and that, and so it just felt really good to be in community with other women and who may or may not even go to the church regularly, um, but to also see my familiar faces of, of ladies there at the church, and it was just, it was really really powerful. Um. Another cheer for the week is that same day I attended a small business luncheon where the speaker was discussing her nonprofit and it's called Storytime Village, based here in Wichita, kansas, and just hearing her journey, getting it together and all these things like she touched on, you know, find your joy, step out in faith and like pursuing your, your purpose and passion. And it's exactly what I needed, as I'm watching her and I'm getting a little teary eyed, I I imagine myself at the podium, like that's what I want to do. I want to speak and motivate, inspire, you know, get out there and, just, you know, share some light and awareness in this world about the topics I'm really passionate about, and that will kind of go into what today's episode is about. So let's go into the jeers then.

Speaker 1: 3:24

The jeers is it was a very, um, emotional filled week and you know having thoughts of I don't, I don't want to be here anymore, like I don't want to live anymore. And while there was no intention to uh, actively act on these thoughts, it was still there and just you know, kind of the spiral had been building for a few months and I refused to listen to my body saying like, hey, we really need a break. Can we just take a few days off from work? I'm thinking, no, I still got to get out of the PTO hole that I've dug myself in and just not allowing myself to take a day off of work. And eventually it just was like, no, we're going to force you to take a day off of work, and two in fact. And so I stayed home for two days last week and it was much needed to just kind of recoup.

Speaker 1: 4:22

There was, you know, overstimulation just from you know some public events and being around people, but there was also a lot of you know kind of trauma getting turned up around this time of year and my brain feeling like, oh so you did a lot of inner work last year with your coaching certification. Like, oh so you did a lot of inner work last year with your coaching certification and you're doing really well at acknowledging and being more self-aware. Let us look at all these little dust bunnies you've put under the carpet and we're just going to bring them to light and see how you deal with them. Now that's how it's kind of been feeling and it's terrible and it's also like good because I need to be clearing out these things and fully processing through them, but it's just really difficult.

Speaker 1: 5:11

One thing I have found that has been helpful that I've started doing recently at the suggestion of my therapist, is true meditation. So I've gotten me some sets of mala beads where I think it's like 108 beads and it looks kind of like prayer beads, I think is what you call them, and so you touch each bead with your fingers and you say a mantra over and over again. So you're saying it 108 times and mine differ day to day. They I just kind of sit for a moment and feel out what I need to hear for that time, and so it's been um, I am worth knowing. Uh, I am worthy of being loved. Uh, your writing has value worthy of being loved, your writing has value. Just very positive affirmations like that and the repetition helps to cement it in your brain. So that's been kind of helpful in calming and grounding and being present in the moment. And whenever your brain wanders, you know, you just gently guide it back to the mantras and the feel of the beads and you know how you're feeling internally. So, yeah, let's just wrap up that. Cheers and jeers.

Speaker 1: 6:36

Then, again, I am learning this podcasting thing. I also think that my audio was not set up correctly for the last several episodes. I don't think I had it on the correct mic, so I'm hoping that this audio is going to be a little bit better. Again, beginners errors and I doubt there's going to be a lot of people listening to these episodes since I'm just beginning. But who knows? Who knows If you're here? Thank you, love you and we're just going to get together.

Speaker 1: 7:06

So, as I mentioned, the nonprofit speaker kind of leads into what today's topic is, and that is. I just wrapped up watching the replays of Lisa Nichols' Motivating the Masses workshop thingy that she did over the course of last week it was five days in a row, live done via Zoom and the Facebook group, and she was kind of touching on the foundations of speaking that she's come up with and taught people and then she's selling her program. It's an eight-week program where you really dive into these techniques, you get clear on your vision of what you want to talk about, you get feedback and then it's all going to culminate in a in-person workshop in San Diego, I believe she said, where all the students will come together and kind of test out your talk and stuff like that and test out what you've learned. And as I was watching this, like I had no intent, you know, to enroll in anything, I didn't know that she was selling something, but I mean you got to right, she's got this wonderful product and of course she's going to sell something. But I mean you got to right, she's got this wonderful product and of course she's going to sell something. And I've learned that from my coaching. And the first couple times I'm like yeah, not for me, I'll just continue. You know, watch the free live replays. But then I don't know something sort of shifted when I heard her talking about it. It took, I think, like the second or third time for her to dig into what you would get in this program. And then I started thinking, huh, I wonder if maybe this is for me.

Speaker 1: 8:47

Oddly enough, my last therapy session on Wednesday, my therapist, susan, mentioned how this year I haven't really had anything to work towards or be excited about and reflecting on that. You know, the last five years have been filled with me enrolling in my global MBA and taking classes that were eight weeks long at a time and fulfilling those and moving towards graduation. And then in 2023, it was my coaching, certification and working towards that and learning something new. This year I haven't really had that. I did do a different speaking mentorship I think it was 12 weeks or something or it was kind of one-on-one with Dr Lee Cordell at the Institute for Psychological Safety and Trauma. I always get that mixed up. It's ITPS, so Institute for Trauma and Psychological Safety there we go, and so she has helped me lay some significant groundwork for the talks I'm going to start to promote and get out there and that's felt good.

Speaker 1: 10:07

But I've, you know, since that program's concluded, I've lost that one-on-one and with how things shifted at the coaching school that I was attending, I'm not really feeling that support. I guess that was there with coaching labs and things like that and I honestly don't know where I'm going with this. Anyway, again rabbit holes. Anyway, again rabbit holes, but with this one. You know you get that sustainability and support from other students and other coaches that Lisa Nichols has taught and it just it's so right in line again with what I want to do with speaking and really polish that up. And so I tend to make really rash decisions, like once I decide, oh okay, yeah, that's what I want to do, I will instantly buy. Instead, I try to like, regulate myself because I was feeling, you know, there's a deadline that you got to sign up by, because they do start this week.

Speaker 1: 11:14

There's a kickoff call on Wednesday and then they start on Thursday, and I had told a couple of my friends and wondering if this is a good decision, do I even have a unique story to provide? Is it worth, like who am I to go out there and be a speaker? And they were both supportive, like, of course, you have a unique voice, you have a unique experience, just like anybody else. And just because, like you may share some similarities, that doesn't mean that you are just like everyone else. You know you can taste different dishes from the same restaurant and it or people have different tastes. You know, I don't know where I was going with that example, but you know it's like there's different flavors and not everybody's going to want that flavor, but they might. They might want your flavor and so I'm like OK, ok, ok.

Speaker 1: 12:08

And then I had a moment to I allowed myself some distance, to give myself time to kind of think through it. I knew I kind of wanted to make a decision by the end of the day, which I know that's not a lot of time truly. But then, as I'm filling out my planner for the week, I come across this I have I forget what her name is, it's like the latest Kate, I believe and she's got these, this very cute style of artwork. It's very colorful, very cute animals, but also really positive phrases. And the one for this week is a cute little otter and it says it's truly impressive how far you've come. And that hit me like so hard because I'm thinking like downplaying you know where I was and where I am now and how I want to use that to impact people, to inspire and have them even just be here for another day.

Speaker 1: 13:19

You know, going back to how I was saying, I don't know if I want to live anymore. There's a lot of people thinking that and I want to get out there and be an example for them. I'm putting in God's hands, like, okay, I know my mission. I keep getting these signals of knowing what my mission is on this earth and I can't leave until it's fulfilled. And that is helping others, raising awareness of mental health and suicide prevention and just really trying to go out there and be a light in the world. And sometimes I don't even feel it, but that's, that's my assignment. And then I'm like, okay, so I prayed about it. I asked God I'm in tears because my friend also sent me a really kind voice message and I prayed and I said, god, please help me in this decision. Should I go for this? Should I not? What is your will? Will this get me in line with my purpose and what you have planned for me? Please help me with this decision.

Speaker 1: 14:26

So I think it was about 10 minutes later I'm doom scrolling on Facebook, you know, or whatever, because I've finished the live replays. I've kind of skimmed through the comments and whatnot. Tell me why? I then see something, a quote on my feed that says sometimes you have to stop being scared and just go for it. To stop being scared and just go for it. Either it'll work out or it won't. That's life, and I did.

Speaker 1: 14:57

I had this fear of you know what are others going to say? Are they going to be saying, oh, you've got too much on your plate, you're going to go into burnout again? What are you doing? Spending this money? You know all these different kinds of things. And then myself being scared, like am I going to be able to accomplish this? Am I going to be able to handle it? Do I really have anything to say? You know, and all these voices and what I really, really want and I may get emotional here, I'm kind of feeling the tears now what I want, at the end of the day, is to just help people and be the best at that, to reach as many people as I can, and if this is a step that is going to take me further to that goal, then it's okay that I'm scared. It's okay that I might not be perfect at it, because my perfectionism is just, you know, always rearing its ugly head.

Speaker 1: 16:03

But it's okay if it doesn't work out, because you know what it was? Still a learning experience. There is nothing wrong with knowledge and gaining more knowledge and learning and being in community. And so I'm like, oh, okay, I'm getting these signals and I think I'm I'm gonna go for it. So that is, you know, that's the hyper fixation of me is learning. I love to learn and I love self-improvement stuff now and well, not now, but you know, learning how the brain works and all this stuff, but it's just, I don't even know. See, now I'm all emotional and I can't think straight.

Speaker 1: 16:55

I guess we're going to wrap up this episode and just say you know what? It's okay to hyper fixate on what you feel are really grand dreams and grand goals and it's okay to hyper fixate on learning everything you can about a subject and really diving in. It's okay. And whether it works out or not, but it's again, it's the journey People like to say, it's the journey of getting there and of you know what you learn along the way. So I'm going to wrap up this.

Speaker 1: 17:46

I've got an hour before I've got to get around to attend the evening service at church because I did not make it to serve this morning and I feel bad. But you know, things happen, should I say, when I'm recording these. I'm really curious. So I'm recording this on September 15th and, like I said, the program kicks off with a starter call on Wednesday. So I mean, it's right around the corner in eight weeks. So I am going to do some things in the meantime and, uh see, we got to figure out how to how to end a podcast too. Do I need to do a call for action? Do I need to do inspiring words?

Speaker 1: 18:29

Um, what is my, my unique sign off to you guys, because I feel like everything's been taken Like Bayou Lovelies, is the game grumps on YouTube. If you know of them, ralph Garman, does the Love you Mean it by, which is LMB and it doesn't stand for. Lick my balls. So we need to figure out how to end this, other than I guess you know what. Just keep on hyperfixating Toodaloo. Ah, and Toodaloo is Stylosa on YouTube, see, ah, I'm just pulling from everybody. We gotta find a unique way, okay? So if you're listening to this, drop some comments of how we should sign up. So keep hyperfixating, you lovely humans. There we go. We'll make it a little different from the game grubs with you, lovelies. Bye for now, bye.